I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
