I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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