Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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