my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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