he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize