I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize