I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
