did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
