I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
