Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I need moral support for this bender
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
