So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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