This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
