WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
