It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
