I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
