Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
