Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
