so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So many bounce houses so little time
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
