dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
