you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
