someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize