Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
