That's intense
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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