I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
