Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
