dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
