u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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