turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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