I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
