yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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