I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
