I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
