when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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