Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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