I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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