I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize