We're like a lot better than the average bears
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
