smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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