I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
