I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
