bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
