no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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