On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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