As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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