why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
