whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
