I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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