3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
