I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
