she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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