It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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