At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
