between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
