exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
