how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
