My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
