Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
