@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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