Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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