I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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