the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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