"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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