Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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